The job application process

An interviewer screens candidates for a job.

Published . 693 words.


You go in for a job interview and the address is an abandoned building. Inside you find a young woman tied to a chair and blindfolded…


She’s the interviewer, who wants to see how people react to weird situations. Also screen out antisocial behavior quickly.

The first person of the day walked through the door and stopped, hand still on the doorknob.

“Um, is this the right place? I was told to come here for a job interview?”

“Was the interview for W—, LLC?”


“Who were you in contact with regarding this interview?”

“P— C—?”

“Then you’re in the correct place, although I regret to inform you that you have already failed the interview.”

“Oh.” The candidate slumped.

“Don’t feel bad; most applicants fail the interview. When you leave this office, turn left; that’ll put you back at the bus stop fastest.” The candidate blushed faintly. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t the bus. The interview only concerns what happens in this room. You would have much better growth opportunities in a different field, which may lead you back to this office again and a successful interview. Listen to your parents and you’ll do fine, we know.”

The candidate left.

The second person made themselves known by cutting the ropes that bound the young woman’s arms to the chair. With silent efficiency they moved to remove her blindfold, but the young woman had placed her hand upon the arm that was already beginning to pull at the knot.


The hand stopped.

“Your efficiency is to be applauded, but it is not the right course of action in this scenario. Thank your for your application, however.”

The one hand withdrew from the blindfold, but the person’s other hand remained on her shoulder.

“If you would like, we can provide a recommendation for you to a number of agencies that may find your talents useful. Would you like that?” A squeeze on the shoulder. “There’s a consent form on the table behind me; if you would fill that out and slip it through the slot, we’ll be happy to assist.”

The hand on her shoulder withdrew. There were the sounds of writing, a scrape of paper against a mail-slot, another squeeze on the shoulder, a breath of air.

The third candidate was never seen by the young woman. She merely found herself and her chair sitting three feet to the left of the ropes, which continued to remain in midair. She frowned.

“G— W— B—, if this is you, know that you are not only in violation of a restraining order, but you are also in violation of three international treaties, 17 U.S.C. § 504, and a pact sealed in blood by you with a certain denizen who I will not name at this time.”

Nothing happened.

“Good, you’re learning. Now put me back and never contact me, or this company, again.”

She found herself three feet to the right, secure again in the ropes.

“Thank you. I have chosen not to report this to your parole officer.”

The fifth candiate of the day woke her up in bed, before she got dressed to go into the office and be tied to the chair. The candidate waited for her to wake up fully, explained why they were there, explained that if she continued with her normal morning routine she would be tied to a chair for eight hours with a steady stream of applicants failing the interview.

“I know that. And you know I know that. So why did you wake me up.”

“It seemed the best way to apply?”

“While creative, it does not solve the scenario, and your application is rejected for undue interference with the application process. Get out of my house.”

The fourth candidate entered the room, looked at her, said, “I’m sorry for wasting your time; I am clearly not qualified for this position,” and left, closing the door quietly behind.